Friday, September 30, 2005

SPeechless

It’s not the first time I’m falling, but it’s the only love that so grasp away all my energy. I never have been like this before. I’m going crazy if I started thinking about him. Particularly, I can’t control myself if I realized that I can’t make him to be mine.

Today, it could be the last time for us together. My heart crackles. I’m jealous with his inspiring girl. She is always waiting for his comeback with a bunch of her biggest caring.

He stared at me with such a question. He blows away my mind with a bit sweet smiling.

Sweetheart, what are you thinking?

Nothing about us

What you mean?

I’m talking about me, nothing else

…..so

it’s just ridiculous, you should know…this nothing!

I’m sure I know what it’s all about, I know what thing do you want me to know.

I rustle slowly down….you should know how deep inside this feeling.

I’m apart of hurt, man

I know how terrible it feels

You don’t know anything, you just have to have feeling.

He sticks his forefinger over my lip.

Ssshh…

Would you give me a chance, man?

He shakes his head.

Apart of hurt…

Truly, my man,

My words are nothing, lady. It proves nothing.

Please, man. I really want to love.

Then he’s going to be silent. I think he gives up.

Say that you believe in me, lady.

There just no word anymore. I can’t say thing about trusting. My lip keeps idle. I’m tremble down.

I wish I could, man

I bend my head off. With such awkwardness, He endorses his arms. I revenge with a huge crossed hug. I don’t want the time let him go.

For a several seconds, from this moment it’s just so peacefully laying down on his shoulder. For a while, I dream of that he’s mine. From one sweet day of my entire life, I wander farther and farther over his smelling body. Nevertheless, later this kind of thing has to end at all.

It’s completely true!

I have to go now, lady

I considering look at him. I’m fully surrendered.

Don’t look at me like that, my lady…it made me weak.

I’m bended desperate.

What am I without you complete me?

The misery reaches out the highest point.

You still be you, because you are!

I can’t do that, man!

Sorry, I still have to go now.

I try to control the madness.

Will you be there again, won’t you.

He makes a stoop.

I don’t know lady, I wish I could make a promise

You can if you want to

Lady, I can’t control everything going to be fine! If still…I come over you!

I’m dumped out…I’m surprised…I’m going mad….I’m waiting to be wasted!

Me, myself even my soul is completely nothing at all. He’s playing a game of me. He has burned me out, but I realize that he’s afraid of fire. Time is over, I have to quit now,

I’m lost..

Afterwards, he wipes away my tears. He brings his face closer to my eyes and whispers,

It’s not a game, lady…for you, her nor me.

I’m at a lost powerless.

Sorry to say this…seems that I really do in love, man

He bites his own lip. He’s tremble down too. He looks tired of suffers.

Thank you for loving me like that, It’s a greatest moment I ever had.

Please, make me feel better.

If only I could do that, I wish I could…but you know, I never could!

I cry badly, I’m desperate, I’m suffering, I’m tormented apart…I’m completely broken.

He stared look at me badly. It made me feel strange. I feel that something wrong is going to be happening. Let it just has be to be…I’m tired to think, I don’t care!

Eventually he pulls me under his arms and gave me a long deep kisses.

Stop it, man…what are you doing?

Everything I could never say

But you never say anything

Cause it better left unsaid

Then everything quietly calm down. I secretly on the sly. I try to understand everything unsaid. I know everything about the consequences, it might be true that love sometimes better left unspoken. It better touched, it’s just too taboo to compromise.

In the purity silence,

I TAKE A DROUGHT A CUP OF FORBIDDEN STORY…I’m longing for his body and soul. In this bizarre love, I sacrificed my only love.

This longing love is perfectly beautiful, for a second of my whole entire life I’m complete. I fly to the moon…I reach out the stars!

But then I have to go back! It has to end, my time is over.

His smoothing fathom is on my mind, his breath still on my heart beating. Again, everything about him has to end at all. The day is going sheltered when he has to go wherever he should belong. He walked away and I could never let him go,

I turn my body.

Suddenly an incident is quickly happens all at once. A huge terrible clash is heard, then his painfully voices’ screaming follows.

I jumped out. My body is frozen and my heart beating rapidly. I see his body indistinctly close up to his car. The car is turned over and he is lying down under.

As soo

Thursday, September 29, 2005

kakiku


berjalan dan terus berjalan,
ada kalanya berhenti bahkan juga berlari
semoga tidak akan pernah lelah temaniku
kemanapun aku mau !

takluk


sudahlah

……………..

gantungilah,

ikatilah,

dan

gelayutilah !

tanganku,

kakiku,

hatiku,

jantungku,

nafasku,

dan seluruh tubuhku

semampumu

semaumu

sekuat dayamu

sepenuh tenagaku

karena ku tak bisa lagi

menghilangkanmu

menghindarimu

serta mematikanmu

sepenuhnya !

utuh ku pasrahkan,

sisa umurku .

Thursday, September 15, 2005

STUPID CLIENT !

setiap minggu, aku musti menemuinya....
klien sok tau, manja, menang sendiri
referensinya gonta-ganti,
lamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
pengennya nawar harga, minta diskon
' nahhhhhhh, ini bukan kaya punya srengenge deh..............'
lha iya, wong kita cuma mbuat maunya kamu !
brarti maunya kamu yang ngampung !
bodoh !!!
kenapa kamu tidak menghargai dirimu sendiri dengan melakukan hal yang lebih baik ?
kamu makin lama makin terlihat ga tau apapun, tapi sok tau !
klien aneh !

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

my childhood's fairytales

BULUS BODO


Sakdurunge, dingapuro yen tulisan iki ora koyo aturan nulis bahasa Jowo sing becik, mung seporo mbagi crito cilikanku mbiyen.

Iki dongeng cilikanku, pendak wengi jam 8 bapakku nyeritakke cerito sing podho dibaleni ben wengi ning aku ra tau bosen. Yen durung diceritakke dongeng Bulus Bodo iki, aku ra bakal iso mapan turu. Ben dino jan plek ceritane, intonasine, bahasane sampe alur’e karo kata terakhire mesti podo.


Jaman mbiyen ono bulus,

Bulus kuwi bodooooo banget

Ra iso ngopo-ngopo.

Bulus kuwi duwe konco gagak loro

Ing sak wijining dino, bulus karo gagak ketemu,

‘ gak, aku pengen mabur, aku pengen ndelok donya seko nduwur koyo opo ?”

‘ lho kowe kan ra duwe swiwi ? ‘ gagak semaur.

‘ sik tak pikire. ‘ gagak sijine nyaut.

‘ oo aku ngerti, Lus. Kowe tak tumpakke kayu sing tak gowo cah loro .’

‘ kepeneran kuwi. ‘

Bulus seneng banget, trus langsung nggolek kayu nggo numpak.

Kayune wis ketemu, Bulus wis nangkring ning nduwur.

Gagak sing siji nyedhaki Bulus.

‘ sarat’e mung siji Lus. Kowe ora entuk ngajak ngomong aku yen wis tekan nduwur kono .

‘ alah, sipil kuwi. ‘

njur, gagak loro mau nyokot pinggiran kayu trus mabur nggowo Bulus mabur.

Cah telu podo mabur ning nduwur segoro, gunung, nduwur wit-witan lan sakliyane.

Bulus gumun kok lek apik banget, trus keweton omonganne :

‘ Gak, kae opo sing koyo ulo dowo banget seko nggunung tekan segoro .”

Gagak loro-lorone langsung semaur bareng,

‘ o alah dasar bodo, kae kali sing mili seko gunung tekan segoro “

sak durunge pitutur’e gagak rampung, ono swara seru

BYURRRRRR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gagak langsung sadar, bulus tibo pas cokotane kayu sing ning cucukke gagak ucul mergo njawab pitakone bulus. Gagak nginguk seko nduwur,

‘ Bulus kuwi pancen bodo banget, wis diomongi kok yo ra nggugu, yo ketiwasan dewe kono.’

Bulus tibo ning segoro karo getun ra ngrungokke kandanane gagak.

Sak bare kuwi, gagak wis ra bakal gelem ngajak bulus mabur meneh.

Oalah, buluss…..bodo !

Ojo niru bulus sing bodo yo J

Koyo sing di ceritakno Bapak seko 5 tahun nganti 12 tahun, karangan NN.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

ex-wedding :(



menyambut hari yang membahagiakan
harapan yang berjuntai-juntai pernah bersandar

pada hari yang akan datang
yang bisa mengukuhkan sebuah rasa,
............. agar tidak bisa di ganggu gugat
saat itu tiba,
tanpa bisa terhenti
dan dia berlari....
menyambut permata yang kelak menghiasi ruang hatinya

dan dulu sekali...

aku hanya mampu menyulutkan cahaya hati,
yang mungkin terlalu suram untuk mengatasai galau-gelap hatinya .....................................................................................................................
detik, menit dan jam berkejaran
untuk segera mewujudkan
sebuah kesatuan rasa dan raga milikmu,

SELAMAT MENEMPUH BAHAGIA !!

a simply love


……………………………………………………………..

I love you without knowing how or when or from where,

I love you simply, without problems or pride

I love you in this way

…………………

because I don’t know any other way of loving

( pablo neruda sonnet XVII)


Monday, September 12, 2005

de ja vu

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nulis...nulis...nulis...nulis....